I Love You Enough…

Home made party cupcake with a number candle on topFour years ago  I embarked on the breathtaking journey of motherhood. This past weekend my little girl turned 4 and today I applied for primary schools for her. It seems wrong somehow. I still see her as the vulnerable little baby that entered the world not so long ago and later took her first vulnerable steps towards my open arms.

I make a habit of telling my daughter that I love her multiple times a day, even when she is sleeping, however every day I wonder how much she knows I love her and whether she will ever know.

So to my little four-year old girl I hope you know:

I love you enough that I would go without so you could have that extra treat.

I love you enough to always put you first.

I love you enough to always include family in our lives so the memories you make with them will last long after they have gone.

I love you enough to say “no” when I need to.

I love you enough to be the bad guy when I need to be, even though it breaks my heart to do so.

I love you enough to be hard on you sometimes to encourage you to be the best you can be.

I love you enough to not resent you when you push the boundaries but instead to respect your need to push those boundaries.

I love you enough to ignore society’s definition of  perfection  (although for me you are perfect).

I love you enough to sometimes let your father take the lead.

I love you enough to make the perfect reality for you.

I love you enough to never quit.

I love you enough to make my dreams a reality for you rather than for any self-regarding quest for gain.

I love you enough to never regard what I have ‘given up’  for motherhood as a sacrifice, but a privilege.

I love you enough to never let you forget how much I love you.

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Opening image: sevenhillsrunningshop.com
Closing image: lovethispic.com

Dear Mummy…

Mother'sDayThank you for the nights you spent awake with worry be it due to my first cold, difficult relationships or worry for upcoming  exams and tests.

Thank you for enduring the constant pulling at your leg wanting a cuddle or wanting to play when you were already multi-tasking a thousand and one tasks.

As a mother I now realise that sometimes it is a struggle to just get through the day and that sometimes things really are sent to try you. I understand now that when you used to lose your patience, it was not a reflection of your feelings for me but your frustration at the world outside our little mother-daughter bubble.

Thank you for still kissing me even when my growing independence meant I no longer always wanted kisses from my Mummy.

Thank you for everything you did for me, from changing nappies, to putting food on the table that I refused to eat. From waking up in the middle of the night to tidying my toys that I scattered around the house.

Thank you for all those hot cups of tea and coffee you missed or that just simply ran cold.

Thank you for those times you had rough, callous hands because you forgot or simply did not have time to massage cream into them.

Thank you. Thank you for everything. I may not have seen it all then but I see it now.

Happy Mother’s Day! 

 

Opening image: www.sugar-beach.com

The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold

 I have read many a book in my twenty-eight years but never one that has left me with such a bad taste in my mouth. The Almost Moon is a morbid account of severe dementia sufferer, Clair Knightley’s murder at the hands of her daughter, Helen Knightley. What follows is Helen’s account of events as she attempts to hide her crime in the following twenty-four hours. In doing so she selfishly forces her ex-husband into the cover-up and effectively places him at the scene of crime.  She jumps backwards and forwards in describing her childhood and subsequent difficult relationship with her mother as if that would excuse her of her horrendous crime.

 Having watched The Lovely Bones, I held high hopes for The Almost Moon. I have yet to read the written version of The Lovely Bones and quite frankly I am highly hesitant to do so. Although the storyline around The Lovely Bones is a tragic one, the film did not leave me with such depressing feelings as this book. Even the first sentence is drowning in hatred and I think it was only my sheer stubbornness that pulled me kicking and screaming to the end, which in itself was highly disappointing.

There are even sections in the book that were very crude in description. Having read (and thoroughly enjoyed) Jilly Cooper’s Rutshire’s Chronicles, I am not one to shy from explicit romance. However, the way in which Sebold uses such scenes in her book is quite vulgar.  Other events, which are descriptive of Helen’s life and history are very disjointed and often do not correspond with one another. Other descriptive details, such as any passing scenery are so long and detailed I often found myself skipping paragraphs. As soon as something remotely exciting happens there follows a lengthy description of an event from the past which has no significant to the current event.

I say the book is based on events over a twenty-four hour period, however reading it felt like a lifetime.